


i'll make this (feel like) home

by panlesters



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009 Phan, Christmas, Fluff, M/M, Snow, look this is just a kath lester stan account idk what to tell you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-07-08 02:03:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19861711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panlesters/pseuds/panlesters
Summary: Dan's never had a safe space to relax and just be truly himself. Maybe the Lesters' little house in the north can be that place for him.





	i'll make this (feel like) home

**Author's Note:**

> it's more one direction-inspired fanfiction ok   
> this kind of feels like a sister fic to you are my familiar? except it's phil's pov this time i guess   
> anyways enjoy! 
> 
> title from home by one direction

Phil's not ashamed of this part of him, he learnt to accept himself a long time ago. But he remembers what it was like. That horrible, isolating, cold, painful feeling that your being is inherently wrong. 

There's still something tense about Dan tonight. It's something Phil's never seen when they've been on Skype, or when he came over in October. But now, sat around the table with Phil's parents for a pre-Christmas Christmas meal before Dan goes back to Wokingham, Dan seems rigid. 

Phil gently brushes a socked foot over his shin from under the table, and they share a silent conversation. Dan shoots him a grin, eyes closed, smile wide. Phil softens slightly, and allows for Kath to start a new topic of conversation as he shoots glances every now and then back to him. 

Phil hasn't even really known Dan that long, but he feels like he can pick up on his nervous twitches. He's always looking down, at his plate or at his hands; Phil's not really sure. He can see Dan's shoulders shuffling and imagines him pulling his sleeves down over his hands awkwardly. He wants to reach across and take one of those hands, run his fingers over Dan's knuckles and offer physical reassurance.

"Nigel? Martyn?" Kath stands when the dinner is comfortably over, "Help me clean up?" Martyn makes a protesting noise and points at Dan and Phil, but Kath shoots a mock-stern glare his way and he shuts up. Phil's glad. Kath's always been pretty good at reading people, and she too must be picking up on Dan's discomfort. Once they're out of earshot, Phil takes his chance. 

"Hey, you're quiet," he murmurs, reaching across to try and take Dan's hand. Dan reluctantly offers his hand for Phil to intertwine their fingers and looks down again. "What's up? You can tell me." 

"I just..." Dan sighs. He glances up into Phil's eyes for just a second, before averting his eyes again. "They _know_." 

"Is that... not okay?" Phil's trying to keep his voice level, but he can't help but feel a little stab in his heart at that. "Would you rather I hadn't told them?" 

"Are you sure they're okay with it - us?" 

"Of course," Phil replies, squeezing Dan's hand a little tighter. "Do you think I'd tell them if it wasn't going to be safe for us?" 

Dan stops at that. He looks up at Phil. He looks like he's about to cry, and Phil is resisting the urge to get up and wrap his arms around Dan. He feels like they need to talk about this. 

"I don't know," Dan murmurs. "It's never been safe for me before." His voice cracks a little and he swallows hard. "I'm scared, Phil." 

Phil softens in understanding. "You're safe here." He makes sure he sounds certain, because he is, and because Dan needs him to be. "My mum loves you, you know." 

"She does?" 

"Yeah," he huffs out a laugh. "She said I seem happy with you." 

"Are you?" Dan asks. "Happy with me?"   
Phil lets go of Dan's hand then, and does get up from the table. He's walking round, quick as he can, to pull Dan out of his seat and into his arms. 

"I've never been happier," he whispers into Dan's neck. 

"Oh." Phil can hear the smile in Dan's voice.

It's early when Phil feels his body being shaken awake. 

"Phil," Dan's whispering. "Phil, wake up." 

Phil groans and opens his eyes reluctantly to see Dan holding his curtain open, eyes flitting between Phil and the window.

"Mmyeah?" Phil croaks. 

"It's snowing," Dan grins. "Proper snow. It's so thick already! I've never seen it like this." 

Phil stretches, sits up, and looks out the window next to Dan. 

"You know what I think?" he murmurs to Dan, leaning in close enough to breathe on his neck. 

"What?" Dan turns to him, and Phil relishes in watching Dan's gaze fall from his eyes to his lips. 

"We should go out." 

Dan does kiss him, then. Phil laughs, a low rumble in his chest as he smiles and kisses back. He's pushing Dan back then, rolling off his bed and pulling Dan with him.

Phil wishes it was daylight. It's not enough to only just be able to see Dan in the moonlight. He bets Dan looks gorgeous wrapped up in Phil's own coat and scarf, snow getting caught in his un-straightened hair, cheeks red from the cold and grinning. He hates that he only has a silhouette and he has to leave everything else to the imagination. 

He can't really resist making a tiny snowball and throwing it in Dan's direction. The squeal wasn't really what he was expecting, and he quickly laughs and tells Dan to shut up. They both notice the light that turns on inside the house, though. 

"Uh oh, I think mum might've heard us," Phil whispers, but the grin is still plastered to his face. Dan huffs out a nervous laugh and presses his blue lips to Phil's one more time before threading their fingers together and pulling Phil in to face the music. 

The kettle's already boiling when they get in, Kath stood with her arms folded and what looks like an attempted stern expression on her face. Really, Phil knows that's her fond look, the one she always reserves for when he and Martyn do things that are endearing but really, really stupid. He hasn't got time to tell Dan that, though. 

"Philip, go upstairs and find something warm and dry for the both of you." Dan goes to follow him when Kath clears her throat. 

"Daniel, can you help me make some hot chocolate?" He and Dan share a look and he offers Dan a reassuring smile before he's disappearing up the stairs.

He's glad none of the stairs creak in this house, as he stands round the corner, pyjamas and dry socks in his arms, listening to his mum and his boyfriend. 

"Well, if you catch a cold, Daniel, neither of you will have any sympathy from me." 

"I know, Mrs Lester." 

"Please, for the last time, call me Kath." 

"You're calling me Daniel," he hears Dan explain. "I thought I was in trouble."

He hears his mum sigh fondly, imagines the small smile on her face. 

"Dan. Going out in the snow at gone midnight and being loud about it isn't exactly model behaviour," he hears a chair creak as he imagines her taking a seat next to him, "But when my boy's looking at you like there's no one else on this earth I find it a bit difficult to be mad at you." 

He can only imagine Dan's blush, then. He loves that blush. Dan's whole face goes red, he ducks his face to try and hide it but his ears are fluorescent and he's hiding his grin, and-

A pair of socks falls from Phil's bundle and into the kitchen, and he knows he'd better move. 

"Is that you, Philip?" 

He steps down sheepishly and picks up the pair of socks as best as he can without dropping the rest of his pile. 

"You were a while." She gives him a look that says she knows he's been stood there the whole time. 

"Just, uhh, couldn't find everything. Got you some pjs, Dan." Dan smiles softly. Phil was right. His face and ears are still red. 

"Well, you two had better drink this tea and get back to bed," Kath says, standing back up and patting Dan on the back. "And if you're both sick tomorrow, it's your own stupid fault."

"Yes mum," Phil says, cheekily. She swats a hand round the back of his head and makes her way back up the stairs. 

"Y'know," Dan says, once they hear her bedroom door close, "I really like your mum."

"Yeah, I do too," Phil replies.

It's Phil who wakes up first the next morning. He can hear his mum moving around downstairs. He takes a quick photo of sleeping Dan, curled up, cuddled into his pillow, and heads downstairs to see about some coffee. 

"Morning, love," Kath says as she sees him wonder into the kitchen. "I've left some water in the kettle for you and Dan." He smiles at that. "Where is he, then? You're normally joined at the hip."

"Still asleep," Phil smiles fondly and Kath doesn't miss it. 

"You like this one, don't you?" 

Phil looks up at her then. Her face is soft, kind. 

"I really love him, mum." 

"I know, baby." She smiles behind him, and he turns to see Dan stood in the doorway. 

He must still be half-asleep because he walks right up to Phil and gives him a peck on the lips. Kath's quick to leave the kitchen and Phil gives Dan a confused smile. 

"You're feeling brave this morning." 

"You left me," Dan pouts. 

Phil ignores him, and presses another kiss to Dan's lips. He hears Kath re-enter the kitchen and cheekily nips at Dan's bottom lip for good measure before pulling away. He's not afraid of PDA in front of Kath, and if Dan's feeling comfortable enough, he's not going to miss out on it.

Dan's pouting again, and pulling two mugs out the cupboard. 

"Morning, Kath," Dan turns to Phil's mum and smiles. He stiffens a little when Phil wraps his arms round Dan from behind but relaxes quickly. Phil watches as he and Kath share an eyeroll, and Phil jabs Dan in the side with a finger. 

"Hey! Don't be ganging up on me!" He tries his best to sound indignant but he really can't hide how over the moon he is at the ease of this, how natural it is to have his arms round Dan as he and Kath make silent jokes at how hopeless he is. 

He's loving this new-found confidence that Kath managed to pull out of Dan with some reassurance and love. The idea that Dan's found a safe space to accept who he is wholeheartedly warms his heart, and it's even better that his safe space is here, with Phil. He doesn't ever want to let Dan go now. He decides then and there that he's going to make it his mission to be sure that Dan knows that when he's coming to the north, he's coming home.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed! comments are appreciated, come scream at me @ panlesters on tumblr


End file.
